


Leader's insights

by Thevaen



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Comforting, Evfra attempts emotions, F/M, Fluff, Insight on Evfra, Now with massive plot, Pining, hand holding, medium-slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-11-07
Packaged: 2018-12-26 12:10:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12058725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thevaen/pseuds/Thevaen
Summary: When Efra learned about Ryder´s retaking of the Salarian Ark, he would be the last to openly admit he was impressed. When he learned she died to get out of a stasis field, he would be the last to openly tell her how irresponsible she was, and how infuriatingly casual she was about and AI killing her. He would also be the last to admit his relief that she was alive, and his worry about her current state.So when Jaal tells him she will be at the lake later that day, he decides to go.Because despite what she and many other people might think, he was not heartless, and understood her struggle more than anyone.Because despite what she and many other people might think, he cared for her.





	1. Chapter 1

When Efra learned about Ryder's retaking of the Salarian Ark, he would be the last to openly admit he was impressed. When he learned she  _died_ to get out of a stasis field, he would be the last to openly tell her how irresponsible she was, and how infuriatingly casual she was about and AI  _killing_ her. The statement of a hypocrite he knew, as he knew he would go just as far for his people.  He would also be the last to admit his relief that she was alive, and his worry about her current state.  

 

All these thoughts cross his mind as the information is relayed to him. He never once betrays his thoughts, although only Jaal seems to notice the jolt of his hand during his writing when he tells Efvra of Ryder's ''death'' . Efvra grunts in acknowledgement but continues with his paperwork, and stares at the data on his pad.  

But when Jaal tells him of the sample the Archon has taken and of the kett's progress in exaltation he's suddenly jumped by the unspoken outcome that he could have made,  _or still would,_ make Ryder his first human project.  It's a terrifying thought, one that places a cold and iron first around his heart and lungs and squeezes. He stops writing. He pretends to keep reading, but the words don't come through, and he's sure Jaal notices. A silence follows, and he's grateful Jaal answers the question he doesn't dare ask. 

''She's unharmed...But she's more shaken than she lets on.'' 

Of course she keeps up a facade. If she falters, so will the people that look up to her, that follow her. When you lead so many people you can't afford to show weakness. Some might say you can't afford to show humanity. He felt much the same, although he was aware of the difference in how much his people cared for him on a personal level compared to Ryder's.  

Ryder was loved. She had the infuriating power to leave behind a path of both destruction and creation, and in its wake were the people that stood in awe and infatuation. There were only words respect and admiration for her. Even the Angara. Many were scared of her and all humans at first. None could blame them. Some still did, yet she had become the exception even to them.  She had now managed more than anyone had thought possible, and even his people loved her for it.  Even he found it admirable, but he had yet to find the guts to admit this- more to himself than to anyone else. 

''She's relieved us all of our duties,'' Jaal spoke softly. ''But she needs more than a quiet ship. She needs to have a different setting. So I told her of the lake. Perhaps she'll go there later. '' 

There was a silence at the end that left no room for guessing on what Jaal was insinuating. Efvra refused to look up, even as he felt Jaal's eyes on him.  

''That she may. Now is there anything else you need?'' Efvra asked.  When he looked up to glare Jaal down he was met with a gaze equally intense. One that somehow felt like a mother's knowing gaze. He resisted to urge to shift under those eyes, and after a torturous long moment Jaal shook his head.    
''No sir.'' 

Efvra nodded. ''You are dismissed.'' 

Jaal bowed his head and turned on his heels. 

 

Efvra got little work done after that. He felt uneasy, and Jaal's words, his own thoughts, the images of Ryder...Al kept ghosting around in his head. 

He sneered at everyone that disturbed him after that. He kept his focus when one of his teams reported in, and again when he was forced to call in an emergency meeting when a different team didn't.  He used Jaal's report from the archon's ship and the intel from the troops returned to set up a new plan. But it felt different. The victory from the team returned, the mission plan that seemed more failproof than most and had the Angara around him invigorated and fierce...Both felt bittersweet. As if he was taking advantage of what had happened. 

He scowled. Of course he took advantage. Wars were won by taking advantage of the information gathered, regardless of the cost it took. 

But to know how close they had been to losing Ryder, it sullied it all. His food had even less taste than usual.  

The days had long since become shorter, the evenings colder. The sun had already begun to set when Efvra caught himself staring out at the window for what must have been ten minutes. He sighed angrily, as if that could make his thoughts go away. But just when he was about to turn around he noticed something. 

The lake is a good distance away, hidden by trees and rock. It´s perfectly secluded, except when you stand at exactly the right spot and stand as tall as Efvra. It´s only a small area that becomes visible, perhaps no bigger than the room he was standing in.  

He sees her. Not many of his people even knew of the place, and even from this distance he saw this was no Angara. He could make out just her form. If he squinted, he could make out her hair. She had it down. 

He kept staring, inner turmoil forgotten. She turned and paced, almost as if anxious. Knowing her, she was. His hands twitched at his sides. He watched her sit down on the ground, just mere feet away from the water lapping at the sand. For minutes she just stared at the view in front of her, and so did he. He was somewhat relieved. Jaal's words seemed to have been an exaggeration. She looked as if simply enjoying a moment of peace and quiet, not in distress.    
   
She braced her arms on her knees and hid her face in her arms. 

   
Vastly different as they may be, he understood this well enough. He inwardly cursed and started pacing. Perhaps he was just misinterpreting what he saw. She could just be resting her head and enjoy the sounds of the untouched nature around her.   
   
He let out a frustrated sigh. She wasn't. He knew she wasn't.    
   
He gave up. He pressed a button on his comm to relay the message that he was not to be disturbed. After locking the entrance to the room just to be safe he walked to the right corner next to the window. Hidden here was the button to open an emergency exit. He had used it more often than not to stall a meeting with either the Moshae or Paraan, but never before to this end.    
   
It was a long walk down; a shallow path that curved alongside a steep cliff. He half expected Ryder to be gone by the time he had reached the sandy ground, but as he quietly moved through the plants and grasses he heard strong splashes and frustrated grunts moments before them. He briefly feared to come upon a struggle- or worse, as sounds could imply. But it was nothing quite so fierce he saw as he pushed away a branch.  

She was throwing stones in the water. Some were thrown as far as she could, but more often she simply seemed to want to throw them in as hard as she could. He watched her for a few more throws before speaking.   
   
''Seems all you need to create destruction is a rock.''   
   
She whirled around, shock quickly replaced by a sneer before she quickly turned around and wiped her cheek. For all the ways they were different, they all seemed capable of tears.    
   
''Come to gather my report? I sent Jaal didn't I?''   
   
''You did.'' He watched her throw another rock. ''He told me everything. The Kett wasted no time in exploiting your arrival.''   
 

He frowned as he felt a surge of...something, but remembered Jaal telling him about these...Bio-tics. In a way, similar to their bioelectric fields. Similar enough for him to understand it was a flare of annoyance.   
   
''I know very well the Kett are heartless bastards Evfra.'' Ryder called before throwing another rock.    
   
''And infuriatingly more clever than they seem, to go after their leader.'' He crossed his arms. She turned to glare at him.   
   
''Have you come to gloat and rub my face in it? Need I remind you I have a rock in my hand?''   
   
He felt a pang of guilt. A whole afternoon of being unable to get her from his thoughts and here he stood riling her up. ''I assure you Ryder, that is not my intention. ''   
   
''Then what is? No offense but Jaal told me about this place so I could have some peace and quiet and chuck some rocks at defenseless water.'' She snarled, and again he felt that surge of her biotics. A faint glow surrounded her before she released another rock from her hand, and it flew further and faster than the ones before.   
   
''Then do just that.'' He spoke, and he moved further away to lean against a tree. She watched him, a wary look on her face, before she turned back to the pile of rocks beside her and picked one up and threw it with all her might. 

She was tired, so tired. Her body was exhausted, but she felt like she couldn't rest. She could never rest. She must keep going, for her people. Even though she  _died._    
   
She doesn't tell anyone that for a split second after SAM revived her she was somewhat disappointed. It lasted only until adrenaline took over and she was quickly forced to jump back into chaos. It wasn't because she wanted to die, far from it. But for those few moments she had been released of her duty as pathfinder. She doesn't tell anyone she hates being a pathfinder.   
   
''I hate being the pathfinder.'' She shouts.   
   
Well, except to Evfra.    
   
He doesn't respond, and she doesn't need him to. ''I can't deal with this. I  _DIED_ , for the second time since I got here! We've been fighting non-stop. There's been nothing but death and destruction and dick-shit politics.'' She breezed, throwing another rock. ''All I'm given are orders, bad news, paperwork, more bad news, death threats from people who don't like the way I run things, and  _more_ bad news. Well guess what, I don't like the way I run things either! I shouldn't even  _have_  to run things.''   
   
The rock she throws falls apart in the air.    
   
''And the worst part is that everyone seems to forget I'm only human. There's only so much I can do, only so much I can handle, before I too need a break. When I get ask if I'm okay, they don't really want an honest answer. They just want to do the courtesies before dumping the next pile of fuck-what on me.''   
   
''Well guess what? I am not okay!'' Her voice rang through the air. ''I DIED.''   
   
Minutes passed as he watched her in silence. She threw rock after rock, and with each throw her biotics intensified. If it was because of his presence he did not know, and she did not say.     
   
When she crushed a rock in her hand into multiple pieces he decided it didn't matter. He pushed himself away from the tree and walked over to her. She angrily searched the ground for another rock, whirling around in place with an anger that was clearly waiting to burst.    
   
''Ryder,'' Evfra spoke, but she cut him off.   
   
''Damn rock was eroded and brittle.''    
   
''Sure.'' He scoffed. ''Ryder-''   
   
''Is it that hard to get me a fucking rock?'' She breezed, not at him but at seemingly something. He was in no mood to question her sanity.    
   
''Ryder!'' He raised his voice, assuming the tone fit to his reputation, and grabbed her wrist.    
   
''What?!'' Her biotics flared as she snarled at him, and the sand at their feet was whisked away in a short burst of power.    
   
But Evfra had long since learned to steel himself, and he was more impressed than shocked. He simply looked at her as he lifted her hand. She looked at the jagged cuts in her palm from the shattered rock and scoffed, but didn't yank her hand away.    
   
''Brittle, but sharp.'' Evfra simply said.    
   
Ryder dropped her head and her hand went limp in his grip. Her biotics subsided, and Evfra knew she was spent of energy. He knew the feeling all too well.   
   
''Sit down.'' He commanded, kneeling with her. He softened the grip on her wrist, opting to lay her hand in his. With his other hand he reached for his pocket.    
   
Ryder ran a hand through her hair, resting her forehead against the pressure of her palm and watched him with tired eyes. She let out a soft and almost amused scoff as Evfra tore a strip of fabric.    
   
''You just carry a piece of cloth with you?''    
   
''Wouldn't be much of a resistance leader if I wasn't always prepared. You never know when you might need a tourniquet. ''   
   
She sighed. ''Fair enough. Bet you didn't imagine to need it for the Human Pathfinder. ''   
   
He scoffed. ''Oh I imagined as much alright.'' He looked at her, and for a moment she thought to see the ghost of a smile on his face. ''Just not because you crushed a rock with your bare hand.''   
   
She didn't say anything, only watched as he gently- much gentler than she had expected him to be capable and willing of, wrapped the strip of cloth around her hand until al cuts were covered.    
   
''Your skin is much more fragile than ours.'' He spoke, almost intrigued.   
   
She didn't know how to respond and simply stayed silent. She looked away from his hands and to the waterfall. He didn't release her hand. It felt soothing.    
   
''Jaal was right, this spot is really secluded.''   
   
Evfra hummed. ''The only reason he knows of it is because he kept running and hiding from the Moshae's teachings. Or my meetings for that matter. ''    


She laughed. ''Yeah, that sounds like him.'' She paused. ''I'm glad he told me about it. And that you didn't come here to tell me to leave.''   
   
Evfra grunted. ''I'm no idiot, and I'm also not as heartless as you like to believe. We may be different in many ways, but it seems all females no matter the species are adept at explosive emotional behavior. Best to let it ride its course.''   
   
Ryder looked at him. ''Not that I don't appreciate you letting me 'ride my course', but are you calling all females crazy and dangerous?''   
   
For the first time Ryder saw an expression on Evfra's face that she could only assume was a mix of bafflement and regret. She laughed and spoke before he needed to. ''I'm only jesting.''   
   
Evfra muttered something, and Ryder smiled. A few moments of silence followed, during which both focused their attention on the lake. Evfra shifted, finally choosing comfort over grace and abandoning his kneeling position for something simpler. He let go of her hand, and Ryder frowned, mourning its loss. She lifted her hand to examine it.    
   
''You will still need to see your medic. This is only to keep the sand out, and lessen the bleeding. For whatever good that does.''   
   
He was right. Yet she didn't mind the wet red stripes on the cloth. It was a crude reminder that she was breakable, fragile. Amidst all the voices of those around her telling her of her achievements and revering her like some sort of demigod, it was a good change.    
   
''Why did you come here Evfra?'' She asked, and he seemed to be taken aback by the sudden change in her voice. ''It wasn't to tell me to leave, and despite what you might think, I know you're not a heartless bastard.''   
   
''I only said the heartless part.'' Evfra muttered, but there was no taken offense to his tone.    
   
''Jaal told me what has happened.'' He said, and didn't elaborate.   
   
''Isn't that his job?''   
   
Evfra sighed, and he struggled for a moment, searching for the words. ''I understand the struggle of your position Ryder, perhaps more than anyone. You can't show weakness to your people. '' He spoke gruffly, almost resentful.    
   
Ryder listened in silence, trying not to jump into defending herself. She cradled her hand to her chest.    
   
''But just because you can't show it, doesn't mean it's not there.'' He continues. ''All frustrations need to come out at one point. ''   
   
''That still doesn't explain why you're here.'' Ryder looked at him, but looked away just as quickly as icy blue eyes bore into hers.   
   
''It's not wrong to feel these things. It's necessary to stay strong in front of your people yes, but to feel them?'' He scoffed. ''It's probably a good thing.''   
   
She laughed, and sniffed to keep the tears that threatened to surface at bay. To hear validation like this from Evfra of all people, it was not a thing she would have ever expected. Yet, probably because it was him did the words mean more than he could realize and she was truly grateful.  She sniffed again. “Probably?'' She asked.   
   
''Well, if outing feelings makes you so destructive, some might say it might me better to be heartless.''   
   
The finger that had been drawing patterns in the sand between them stopped. She looked up at Evfra, but this time it was him avoiding eye contact, and suddenly his words gained a lot more depth.    
   
''Evfra?''She paused, unsure whether she was threading on thin ice. ''Is...Is that why you're so...cold?'' She opted.    
   
''Didn't I say I understand your position?'' He grunted, and let out a sigh. ''I wasn't always like this Ryder. But as years and meltdowns passed, it became easier and easier to keep those struggles to myself, and save it for the moments it's allowed. And can't do any harm.''   
   
He seemed almost sad, if only for a moment. But before she could say anything he huffed. ''However, seeing as your outburst  _did_  do harm,'' He gestured to her hand. ''I suggest you find a different method. Either that or you're a lost cause.''   
   
She smiled. His crude comments hurt her no more. She knew it was his way of changing the subject. A silence followed, and she flexed her hand and winced. Evfra looked at her.  Without saying anything, he reached out and took her hand. He cradled it in his as he examined it, but after seemingly being done, did not let go. And neither did she.  

His skin was cooling to the touch, and it soothed the throbbing in her hand. As she carefully brushed her thumb over his skin it felt soft, smoother than she had expected. He mimicked her movement, and thought the same.   
   
They didn't say anything for a long time. Ryder realized just how special the insight was she had gotten of Evfra, and she took his words to heart. Including the unspoken warning of what could possible become of her if she didn't find a way to cope. She rested her head on her knees as she complemented on her thoughts, and watched as Evfra's thumb kept stroking her skin.  

“Just out of curiosity…” She asked softly, exhaustion catching up with her. “How do you cope? I can’t always just fly over here and singlehandedly create an island of rocks in your lake.” 

“You can come here as often as you need.” Evfra answered without hesitation. “I do either of two things. Either I go to the shooting range under the headquarters…or…”  

“Or?” Ryder gave him a curious look.  

He sighed. “Suppose I’ll regret telling you this, but I like to draw.” 

“Draw?” Ryder lifted her head. 

Evfra nodded, a scowl in place. But he didn’t need to defend himself. Instead when he opened his mouth and looked at Ryder he found her smiling, and the words died on his lips. 

“What kind of things do you draw?” She asked. 

He hesitated again, as if he was telling her about top secret information rather than a hobby. “Other Angara mostly. Or plants. It started when I had to draw out schematics and plans, and it grew from there. “He shrugged. “When you have to sit near your comms all day hearing bad news and you can’t leave…find something close by.” 

“Never would have pegged you for an artsy type.” She smiled, but there was only kindness to the jest. 

Evfra simply nodded. “Not as impressive as breaking a rock. “He grunted. 

Ryder hummed. “Oh yeah, not nearly. But much more beautiful.” 

Evfra didn’t respond. Couldn’t, because despite the damage it had done, there had been a different kind of beauty to such raw power. Admitting any kind of appreciation for any part of Ryder came hard to him. Hell, it had taken Ryder’s death for him to get hit in the face with his own thoughts regarding her. Even more to come see her. Then some to help her. There was only so much Evfra De Tershaav could handle in one day. 

“Hey Evfra?” 

“Hmm?” 

“Thank you.” She lightly squeezed one of his fingers. 

He huffed. “Well, as much as you can be a pain to deal with, you’ve proven to be just as much of a pain to the Kett. That’s not something I will pass up on having.”   
   
She laughed. ''I'm flattered.''   
   
The sun had set, the beauty of the dusk around them replaced by starlit skies. A yawn escaped her lips. Efvra glanced at her.    
   
''I should get back to my ship.'' Ryder sighed, and dropped her head.    
   
''It's a long walk.'' Evfra said softly.   
   
He was right. Not like his route, hers would take her all around Aya, and up a cliff before she would reach the city in the sky.    
   
   
''Come.'' Evfra gently tugged at her wrist. She looked up and followed him into standing, and wobble on her feet. He reached out to steady her, and the hand on her shoulder was a heavy comfort. She nodded in reassurance that she had regained her footing, and was grateful that he couldn't see what she felt; her cheeks heating up.   
   
He led her through the bushes, the way he had come, until they stood at the bottom of the hidden path up the rocky cliffside.    
   
''It's not as much of a climb as it looks, and it's shorter than how you came.'' He opted. While Sara looked up he looked down, at her hand still in his.    
   
It felt like ages since he had brought comfort instead of orders or reprimands. Longer still since he had enjoyed it. It left a weird taste in his mouth and a strange feeling in his gut, and he was in no way equipped to deal with it. Suddenly he was flooded with doubts and nagging voices, reminding him that he needed Ryder and her army, that that was the only reason he had come down to her.   
   
He's become so used to listen to reason rather than heart. 

  

He softens his grips even further, allowing their hands to slip free from one another. Without looking down at him, Ryder follows his hand and holds on to it. When she looks at him she smiles. ''It's high, I'm tired. If I fall, I'm taking you with me.''   
   
He scoffed, but opened his hand to allow hers to slip in his more snuggly. 

  
   
He leads her up, helps her with the few narrow steps and corners there are. She holds on to his arms each time he helps her up, and each time she gives him a smile. She never lets go of his hand. When at last they reach the top, she sees the large window of the headquarters.   
   
''So that's how you knew where I was.''   
   
He doesn't have the courage to admit it was Jaal who told him. Instead he pulls her along. They pass under the overpass where the waterfall crashes down past them, and reach the door. She does let go of his hand now. He flexes his hand and notes that the sudden lack of warmth is a discomfort.    
   
He steps aside for her to enter, and as she squeezes past him she briefly places a hand on his chest. He steps in after her and presses the button to close the door, and when he turns she stands just as close as she did when entering.    
   
''No one's here.'' She looks over the empty room.   
   
''Made sure no one would.'' He says gruffly. He walks over to his desk and taps the flashing light on his datapad. He sighs. As expected it's already blown up with messages.   
   
''You put aside your work for me?'' She asks softly. He doesn't know how to answer. He presses a few more buttons.   
   
''The door's unlocked. Get some rest Ryder, it's been a long day.'' He bends over his desk, unable to look at her. Now that he's back in his office he feels the strain of his position immediately.    
   
She walks up to him. He doesn't turn towards her, doesn't know what to do with himself anymore.  

He freezes when Ryder stands up on her toes and places her lips on his cheek.   
   
''Thank you, Evfra. It means a lot to me.''   
   
She smiles, and he can only stare as she walks to the door. She turns one last time, and he manages a nod. When the door closes behind her he reaches up and touches his cheek.  

 

It's a few days later when Ryder receives a sealed envelope from Jaal. His expression is neutral, but his tone and eyes suggestive when he tells her it's from Evfra. She opens it in the privacy of her own quarters.    
   
A woman whose hair flies wildly around her just like the sand beneath her feet, whirled by the raw power flaring up and around her, stands etched on yellowed paper. In her fist she holds a rock, and her eyes are fierce and angry. She sees not weakness, but power and beauty.    
   
Another scrap of paper falls out from the envelope. She needs her translator to decipher it.    
   
_If_ _next_ _you_ _need_ _to_ _, take_ _the_ _short route._  

   
She smiles.


	2. Chapter 2

Evfra felt ridiculous the moment his shock wore off. Humans would have described it equivalent to the feeling of a high schooler who just talked with their crush, touched them even. Heart racing, palms sweating, cheeks heating up and the pleasant tingle of butterflies.    
   
To Evfra, it felt like he was having a stroke.

It had been long, so long ago, since he had felt affection any more intense than the appreciation that flowed from pride or respect, usually for his troops or the Moshae. Angara  _usually_ experienced their emotions intense but expressed this through their fields. The excitement would often be washed out by the pure love and adoration. It was almost as if his body had forgotten what this was like, and how it was supposed to react. 

He buried his head in his hands.    
   
Of all the people to rekindle this flame, it had to be a human. Not just any human.  _Sara._ The name rang through his head like a thunder strike. 

But that was just it. She was not just any human. She was strong and beautiful, raw yet pure. She was thrown into this position unprepared, and carried the weight of the fate of not just her people, but Asari, Krogan, Salarians, Turians and now, even Angara. Yet she persevered. She would do anything for her people, his included, even though the fear and insecurity would glimmer in her eyes despite of the seemingly confident words that left her lips. 

She demanded respect through kindness and proof of heart, rather than intimidation.  The smile on her lips when she was told she had done good was honest and bright. Had she had a field, he was sure one could feel her relief, appreciation and kindness all over Aya. There was no evil in her, even when the whole around her seemed to drip with malice. 

Of course, that wasn't the same as not feeling it. 

It was because she was so kind, and intend on doing good. Because to do good one often has to get rid of the bad. When every day of every week consists of fighting, it doesn't matter how many people appreciate it. It hurts, it wears you out, and if you're not careful it will kick your legs away from under you.

She was not careful enough, and the thought of seeing her break hurt and scared him. She was the first truly good thing to have come into his, and all of the Angara world, in decades. He could not let her break. Not like he had. 

To feel and think all he had over the course of just a few weeks, it was a lot to handle for a man used to feeling next to nothing. He knew anger. He knew sadness. He knew the feeling of pride for his men. He knew not the feeling of...such appreciation, for a human.   
   
Not just any human.  _Sara._

He gritted his teeth. The next few days were spent in confusion and conflict. It's a constant pulling of strings on his heart. The more he dwells on it the realer it becomes, and the more it flows from his heart and fills his body, as it is becoming to Angara. He was restless, and each time the door slid open he looked up, and gritted his teeth when he caught the disappointment that settled in his gut when it was not a human that entered. He didn't think he could feel worse about how he was handling this. He was wrong.

Because when the next day Jaal entered with Ryder-  _Sara,_ in tow, his heart skipped a beat and he  immediately sat up straighter. Unable to look her in the eye however, he addressed Jaal instead.    
   
''Any news from Voeld?'' They had departed for the frozen planet the day after his encounter with Ryder. After the blow they dealt they had expected retaliation from the Kett, and Voeld still held a large bulk of their forces. 

He shook his head. ''So far it's calm. But it does not give me peace...''

Evfra hummed in agreement. ''I received data from our base that their smaller hideouts are welcoming small dropships quite frequently. That we're not seeing that in the field is...unsettling.''   
   
Ryder crossed her arms. She looked better than last he saw her, and when he looked at her she he thinks to see the hint of a smile.   
   
''We went by some of their known hideouts, but a lot of them were abandoned, safe for a few stray Kett or looters. Are we sure they're not rebuilding the base? Is the shield still down?'' She tilted her head and frowned.    
   
Evfra nodded. ''We've got constant surveillance around both locations. Wherever they're hiding, it's not there.''   
   
There was a brief silence. They all knew it was far from good news.   
   
''I know we have to plan our next step, but I'm not comfortable with just leaving Voeld like this. '' Ryder stated, and Evfra felt his chest swell with appreciation and gratitude. Ryder didn't notice, but Jaal did, felt Evfra's field prickle and reach out to her. He cleared his throat, and it seems Evfra only then becomes aware of it himself.

He glared at Jaal, but he remained unbothered and continued.   
   
''Sara...'' He started, and Evfra felt a pang of annoyance towards Jaal and the familiarity at which he spoke her name so freely. ''There's little we can do. As much as I'd like to stay behind and help too, the only way to truly get rid of the Kett is to continue to Meridian.''   
   
''Meridian?'' Evfra interrupted. ''You found it then?''   
   
He looked at Ryder-  _Sara._  She nodded.

They filled him in, of her meeting with the other pathfinders and their little rebellion, of the ghost storm technology they were researching. Part of him was annoyed- as he would be if his own men would disobey orders, but the other part was pleased. Even he could see the flaw in this political debate. 

Another, growing part, inside of him, was worried.   
   
''It sounds like you need to get as prepared as you can before setting out. As much as we appreciate the help, our people are strong, we will manage. I will send extra troops for the time being, if it helps ease your conscience.'' He ended the offer in a tone more annoyed than he truly meant to- his body's attempt to mask the worry.    
   
Sara stared at him for a moment, obviously conflicted. Eventually, she sighed and nodded. 

''You're right.'' She didn't sound pleased to admit it. Another sigh. ''Okay, yes. Fine. Let me fill you in on which places we cleared out.'' She stepped closer to one of the monitors on the wall, closer to Evfra. She craned her neck and stared at the displayed map, unaware of the look of surprise in Evfra's eyes. 

''I'll stock up on provisions. '' Jaal offered, and when Evfra looked at him, he noticed the soft smile on Jaal's lips and the knowing look in his eyes before it disappeared. They saluted each other, and Evfra was painfully aware of how he was glad to be alone with Sara.  _Alone as we can be at least_. He thinks, as he looks at his men spread across the room. 

He nearly jumps when Sara tugs at his sleeve, and when he turns to her, her features seem to have softened. She points at the screen. ''That, and that one,'' he follows her finger. So odd, to see five separate digits. ''Those were empty. I didn't think anything of it until the third one there.'' she stands on her toes to tap the screen.   
''There were ships, but they weren't dropping Kett, they were taking them away. ''

He frowns. ''That makes no sense. The human settlement is close, but hardly any danger to them.''

''Don't underestimate the anger of a scientist when you damage their microscopes.''    
   
He feels the hint of a smile tug at his lips.    
   
''But you're right. If anything, they had the constant fear of stragglers being picked off. Before we left I sent Peebee and Liam to check out the one over there, and Drack and Vetra are scouting over there.'' She gestures to each designated area.    
   
Evfra gives her a wary look. ''What are you hoping to find?''

Her brows furrow together. ''Never thought I'd say it, but Kett. Everything about this stinks, and I don't want to sit and wait on the reveal.''   
   
He doesn't voice his own nerves. Doesn't need to. He steps closer to the screen, right next to her.  He feels her eyes on him, and he subconsciously relaxes his shoulders while crossing his arms. He stands slightly broader this way, and he almost touches her shoulder with his arm. 

Her omnitool lights up, and as she lifts her arm to read it she bumps it against his.  He damns the flutter in his chest.    
   
''Shit, another one empty. '' She looks at the screen, brow furrowed in worry. ''That one.'' 

''We have little to no reports of Kett leaving the planet.'' Evfra says.    
   
Sara suddenly yelps, and all the Angara in the room swirl around. She doesn't notice, doesn't care. ''I got it, look, it's the line! The path!''   
   
With one quick gesture Evfra commands his men to focus on their own jobs. At the same time, he follows Sara's hand. It is indeed a path. One that runs around the human settlement.   
   
''But it makes no sense. Just a few weeks ago they were close to cutting us off. We thought they were going to starve us out or something. Why leave?''

He feels her biotics spike, just a bit, and realizes she's afraid. He doesn't want her to be. She was strong, so strong. Fear didn't suit her. He wanted to take it away from her. He wanted to help.   
   
''I will send my men.''   
   
''What? No-''   
   
''Need I remind you that you are in no position to command me on what I can and can't do?'' He asks. He sounds gruff, angry like she had only known until a few days ago. When she looks at him in shock she expects the cold look that pins even the hardiest in place. Instead she found his eyes staring at hers, conveying something she can't quite put her finger on. He stands there, arms still crossed, but his head is slightly bowed in a way that conveys something more intimate.

''Let my men investigate. Whatever they find, I will forward.'' 

And that's when she hears the slight, barely noticeable softening of his tone. It's not merely a command, it's an offer. An offer to help, one he doesn't know how else to voice. 

She stares at him for another few short moments until she bows her head. ''Thank you.''   
   
He mimics the gesture. But there's something in his eyes. He keeps staring at her, long after she becomes uncomfortable under his gaze.    
   
''Dismissed.''

A single word is all he needs. He shows power with such ease, and instantly chairs roll back and clothes ruffle as his men move to leave. In the surprise she means to follow the command, assumes he's done with her for the day.   
But when she steps back and turns, a heavy hand lands on her shoulder. Its gone just as quickly, but he stares at her.

“Not you.” He says, and walks back to his desk and sits down, and Sara thinks she's never seen him sit down before. He looks at her with that…knowing gaze, and waits when the door closes behind the last of his men before he speaks. He entwines his fingers and rests his hands in front of his face. 

“Share.”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re worried. More so than usual. You’re not going to let Voeld go, so tell me what you think. I might make use of it.”

She frowns. “Not sure if I’m eager to let you take advantage of me like that.”

Evfra feels a pang of guilt. His hands tense up momentarily before he answers, more softly than before.

“Ryder,” He says.  _Sara,_ he thinks. “Whether you want to believe it or not, my aim is to help the humans on Voeld. You clearly want to too, but you have to focus on Meridian. You can’t go.”

She frowns at the words. But perks up when he continues.

“But I can.”

Her eyes shoot up to meet his and he makes a sound, one she doesn’t recognize to be embarrassment until when she thinks back to it much later.

 “My men, that is. they can. Tell me what you suspect. Let me take away some of these worries.” He pauses. “Let me help.”

Her heartrate increases with the grow of appreciation she feels for Evfra, and the air she breathes out ends in a laugh rather than a defeated sigh.

“For how much you hated me at first, you seem to know me better than some of my crew.”

“Get a new crew.” He huffs, and Sara laughs at the gruff demeanor she’s become so used to.

But she gives in. She pulls a chair away from the monitor they were looking at and towards the desk. When she sits down and crosses her leg her feet bumps against Evfa's leg, and he jumps in his seat.    
   
''Sorry.''   
   
He dismisses her apology with a quick gesture. ''Talk.''   
   
She frowns, and stares back at the screen. ''Everyone there is on full lookout at all times. They're wary and suspicious of every move, and rightfully so. They were surrounding us. We were preparing for a long fight. '' She rubs her forehead before extending her hand and making a frustrated gesture towards the monitor. ''And now they're just gone. There's no report of conflict in their lines. There's no struggle, no evidence to any plan. They're just. Gone. We were prepared for so many scenarios, but this was not one of them.''   
   
Evfra listens, but in his chest he feels a soft and warm feeling. She constantly refers to her people as part of her.  _We._ It's not her and them, they are one people, and she feels just as worried and responsible for those close by as those on a completely different planet.   
It's something so rare and special, even if she doesn't realize it herself.  _She_  was special.   
   
''If you could go there, what would you look for?''   
   
She sighs. ''I know those I already scouted are empty, and I know I should trust the crew to be just as thorough when I'm not around, but I'd still look around. Place some traps. And look at the other side of the mountains. They must be retreating somewhere if they're not leaving the planet, and if they're focusing on relocating that might just be the best time to strike a blow of our own.''   
   
He nods. She has already thought things trough, which assures him even more that he had been right in assuming she would not just let this go. He is the same.   
   
''I will send scouts, and have them pay extra attention. Though they should know better than dare give anything other than a 100%.''   
   
Sara smiles. ''Thanks Evfra.''   
   
Hearing his name in her tongue, the accent, was odd. But not unpleasant. It sent a ripple through his field and a warmth to blossom in his chest.    
   
''It's fine. It's not often you come across someone so devoted to their people. It's admirable.''   
   
Her smile drops, and he doesn't understand what he's done wrong.   
   
''I wish more people saw it like that.''   
   
His expression changes, to the human equivalent of raising an eyebrow. ''Do humans not see this as a good trait?”   
   
''Oh, they see it as good all right. Just, not when it's not for them.''

Evfra frowns, and Sara sighs. ''Humans are a selfish people. Not the thing I should be saying to you I know, but if anything, it will shine some light on how our politics work.''   
   
It did.   
   
''Though, not just humans. It seems we brought the most uncaring people of all species with us to andromeda. '' Her frown deepens. ''When I brought back the Salarian ark, many were happy. But just as many got angry. Some people asked why I was bothering with the Salarians at all when I am the  _human_  pathfinder, and should be clearing the path to make this humanity's galaxy. ''   
   
''What did you tell them?'' Evfra asked, feeling his initial disgust and distrust of humans resurface.   
   
''We came here not as one species, but as four. And that the galaxy doesn't ''belong'' to any of us. It's dark space, you can't exactly put a leash on it, that's the beauty of it. Treating it like you can won't make us any better than the Kett. Besides, if it was anyone's, it would be to the Angara.'' She paused. ''I'm so embarrassed for my people- not just the humans. All of us. ''   
   
   
Evfra hums. Had she said this a few months ago, he would have scoffed and told her she was right in that it wasn't theirs. Or that flattery wouldn't get her anywhere. That he saw through her façade. But now he knew she was honest from the deepest of her heart. 

''No need Ryder. You have your exiles, we have the Roekaar. ''   
   
''Yeah but the Roekaar were founded because of what happened with the Kett.  If ours aren't doing it for selfish reasons, they're just dicks for the hell of it. ''   
   
He smiles, but only slightly. She does too, but he sees there's something more bothering her.   
   
''They did more than just ask for your reasons, didn’t they?''   
   
There's a short silence before she nods.    
   
''Jaal told you why we went in the first place right? To search for some Krogan scouts. Well, we found them too, but to safe them we had to leave some salarians- including the salarian pathfinder. ''   
   
''You chose some scouts over a pathfinder?'' Evfra is unable to keep the disapproval from his voice, and Sara hears it. She looks up, the anger in her eyes as sudden as the spike of biotics.   
   
''I made my decision. I chose our original goal over improvising. I left the salarians in the hands of someone more capable than I am. She chose to go after them herself. I already saved  _many_. I had  _the ark._ What I  _didn't_  have was those scouts. Scouts with valuable information. More importantly, scouts that someone in my crew cared for, who in turn I care for. I couldn't not save them, couldn't do that to him. I chose emotion and  _family_ over rationality. I thought if anyone would understand it would be the Angara.''   
   
The informality that had grown between them seemed to had disappeared instantly. Her anger riles him up much the same way he had her. ''I assumed you would be able to see the needs of the many over one.''   
   
Her nostrils flare, and her chair rolls away as she stands, palms nearly slamming down on the table.   
   
''Really? You didn't seem to think that when I got out your Moshae.''   
   
He feels his field spike. But despite the sensitive point hit, he has had enough practice to keep his calm. He remains seated, and crosses his arms across his chest as her stares her down. ''If that is how you feel, stand by it.''   
   
It is not the answer she had expected.    
   
''There will always be those who are angry with you, or disappointed, and don't- or don't want to understand your reasons.'' He thinks back to a human saying Jaal had told him. ''Give those people the finger.''   
   
It was something not at all like him to say, and that is exactly why he says it. And it worked. Sara stares at him, before she snorts, and laughs. He keeps his face as stern as usual, and it sets her off even more. He lets her laugh, pleased that he got her smiling again instead of sneering. When she calms down, he leans forward on his desk, hands folded in front of his face.   
   
''S-Ryder.''   
   
She doesn't seem to catch his initial start, but she does catch the change of tone in his voice. She looks up, that soft and innocent curiosity in her eyes.   
   
''There will always be those that disagree strongly with your decisions. You can't change their views or actions. But if you don't stand behind your decisions, they will never respect you.''   
   
''That sounds really rehearsed.'' She jokes. She's not wrong.   
   
''It's a lesson that stuck. You want it personalized?'' He grunts.   
   
''Oh please.'' She smirks.   
   
''Fine.'' He thinks for a moment, not on what to say, but if he can.    
   
''Sara,'' Her eyes widen a bit, and he feels his heart race the moment her name leaves his lips. '' You are special. The way you care for all this life, for people other than your own, the sheer amount of love you feel for these people you do not even know...It is rare. You are pure. Don't let them taint it. You are a gift to your people, even if they don't realize it.''   
   
He realizes too late the gravity to his words. They leave his lips before he can help it, and the realization that he means every one of them hits him like a brick. He clears his throat and looks away, unable to meet the intense gaze he feels is on him. He can't distract himself, can only think about the sincerity of his own words and the way her name lingers on his tongue, wanting to be said again.    
   
''You keep surprising me Evfra.''    
   
He glances at her, and there's a comforting smile on her lips that forces him to relax slightly, whether he wants to or not.    
   
He huffs. '' You are easy to surprise. ''   
   
''You'd think that would have stopped by now. First kett, then Angara, and now the friendliness of Evfra de Tershaav.'' She smiles   
   
Hearing his full name sends a jolt through his field. One that surges through him like a bullet. He doesn't think she knows just how much it means to say his full name, not in an informal setting as they were.  

She brushes the hair out of her face, and that’s when he notices a small gash on her forehead. It had a nasty bump around it, and although the skin had started to heal,  it still looked very much like it hurt.

Sara notices the object of his gaze. She waves a hand in dismissal and huffs. He doesn’t bother listening to her excuse.

“As I said before…” He pauses, and the silence forces her to look him in the eyes. “ They did more.”

She nods and traces a finger across the edge of his desk. “ It’s nothing too bad. I was at the bar on the nexus, but so was a Salarian whose relatives were left behind when I saved the Krogan. Threw his mug at me.” 

Evfra’s lip curls up in disgust. 

She snickers. “I happened to be with Drack and Liam. I was knocked out for a few seconds,- really, just a few seconds. I was able to get up pretty much right away but was too dizzy to really process what was happening. Apparently Drack picked up the Salarian and threw him so high his clothes caught on something, and as he fell his clothes got ripped all the way through at the back. I didn’t see it in person, but Liam was quick and smart enough to record some of it for me. So at least I got a vid of Salarian booty scurrying away.”

Evfra can’t decide what to reply to. That assault probably isn’t the way to get them to see reason, or that her crew chose recording the assault over her wellbeing. But it seems she herself was actually quite pleased with the outcome.

“I contacted him the day after with an apology and the offer to have him vent to me in privacy. He took up on it, and I told him my side of the story later that afternoon. “

“Did he understand?”

She shrugs. “Salarians are a bit more logical. Value brains over brawn, and have a bad history with the Krogan. While he couldn’t sympathize, or imagine ever making the same choice, he at least understood why I did what I did. It will help him in the long run.”

Evfra nods. In truth he had only listened halfheartedly to the last part. He stands, walks around the desk. Sara stops talking and stares up at him. He keeps his eyes on her forehead, unable to look her in the eyes. Slowly, hands twitching in a brief urge to retreat, he reaches out to brush her bangs to the side.    
   
He pretends to examine the wound- small as it is. He still can't bring himself to look in her eyes. There are things he wants to say. Not to her, but to her people. That they take her for granted, that they don't see how heavy the decisions she makes weigh down on her. He wants to assure her that she's doing well, that she shouldn't listen to them. He knows it wouldn't help though, emotions have the habit of not listening to rationality. Besides, words like these have been lost to him for so long, he doesn't know if he'll ever remember how to say them.    
   
He jolts when Ryder's hand suddenly closes over his. When he looks at her she has a frown on her face and her eyes are closed, but when he tries to pull his hand back she holds it in place. He sees the fresh bandages around her hand, and wonders why he hadn’t noticed it earlier.   
   
''I've had a major headache all day.'' She mutters, and leans into his touch. When he realizes it's a frown come from relief, not strain, he relaxes his hand and moves it to gently cover her forehead. She lets out a soft sound, the tiniest moan.    
   
He learns then, that when touching, humans can feel the Angara's fields.    
   
''Can you do that again?''

''Excuse me?'' He blinks in confusion and embarrassment, because what Sara doesn't realize that the only reason his field spiked was because of the sound she made. Because he realized in that split moment that he likes the sound, that he finds it endearing, that it made his heart skip a beat and a smile tug at the corner of his lips.    
   
But in the state he's in, has been in for days, it's not hard to cause his field to spike a bit again. All he has to do is look at her and think about how she's become so beautiful and kind in his eyes, to let the emotions trying to fight their way back into Efvra de Tershaav's heart peek around the corner. 

She hums again, a soft rumble that shakes him to the core. He flexes his hand, gently covering her entire forehead. It's impossible not to cover part of her eyes, unless he touches the strange fur on her head, and he's not sure on what customs are, if it's something intimate only partners may touch, if it can hurt...No, he'll cover her eyes.    
   
She giggles, and the smile lingers on her lips. He's glad she can't look at him, because he doesn't know what to say or do other than just stand there. 

“How is your hand?”

Ryder peeks from under his hand as she extends her hand in front of her and turns it, as if needing to examine it herself to asses. “Better. With the advanced technology and medicine today, stuff like this will be completely healed in a couple of days. It would have been healed already but the sand that got in is of a different structure that we don’t have in our databases yet, so our bodies have to deal with it the old fashioned way.”

He nods, not really understanding what she means but not in a mood to ask. Ryder’s skin is warm to the touch, and the contact and brief mentioning of just days before send his mind spinning again. Another silence follows, and he wonders if  _Sara_  thought about him as much as he had thought about her.

A sight it must be; The Angaran resistance leader numbly staring out his window with his hand clasped over the Human Pathfinder’s face.

Sara reaches up to push Evfra’s hand up, just enough so that she can look at him. "Thank you Evfra.”

He jumps a little at the sudden contact and break of silence. He grunts. “Don’t thank me just yet. If I get any diseases from this it’s all on you.”

She snickers. “I’ll be sure to send you chocolate and flowers.”

He frowns. Never mind that he doesn’t know what chocolate is. “Why would I want those?”

She shrugs. “Bit of a human custom I suppose. A materialistic “get well soon” message.”

Evfra huffs. Sara ignores it and continues.

“It really helped to have someone who is not at all involved in our politics listen to me. All your responses are from a tactical or moral standard, not from what I could have gained for the initiative.”

He doesn’t interrupt. She frowns, and suddenly her tone is more solemn again.

''The moment I made the decision to save the scouts I felt guilt, but I knew I'd feel even worse had I chosen otherwise. Of course, no matter my reasons, the nexus disagreed. Saving  _Krogans_ _,_ what is wrong with me? You are the first to tell me to stand by what I chose and not have some secret opinion dripping through there. “

“He’s very important to you. The Krogan on your ship.” Evfra suddenly concludes. He doesn’t know why or what the uncomfortable feeling settling in his gut means. Just what was the nature of the bond between them?

She nods.

“He’s like family. My 4000 year old grandpa. “ 

Now that was a sentiment he understood. The uncomfortable feeling was gone, and instead he feels appreciation and the realization that again, they were not so different.

“So for that, listening, this-“ she gestures at the hand on her forehead, and he lets it fall to his side. “and for in general not being such a pain anymore.”

He gives her a dangerous look and huffs  “Don’t make me regret it, Ryder.”    
   
There’s a split second look of remorse in her eyes. But the edges to his voice are not as sharp anymore- or perhaps this was just to her. She simply bows her head and gives a polite but honest smile. “I won’t.”

He lets his hand fall to his side, and he can feel the regret and loss settle in his gut in a dull ache. He thinks to see the glimmer of disappointment in her eyes, but before he can be sure there’s a familiar rhythm of knocks upon the door. He hesitates briefly before he answers.

“Enter.”

The doors slide open and Jaal enters.

“We’ve been fully resupplied. Though I’m afraid I was unable to persuade the others from refraining to keep it that way. “

He looks between the two of them with a mix of amusement and curiosity. “Everything all right?”

Ryder nodded, and Evfra feels a small pang of hurt at the ease in which she changes.

“Everything’s fine. But it’s not going to be if we let it go the same was as last time.”

“Let what go?” Evfra asks, cautious and immediately back to resistance leader.

“Ah, the crew wants to have a party before we leave for meridian. With the other pathfinders. “  _In case something bad happens._

It doesn’t need to be said.

“I see.”

Ryder runs a hand through her hair. “Well let’s at least limit the supply of alcohol we have on board. I don’t want a repeat of last time.

Evfra doesn’t want to know what happened last time. If the rumors are true, it involved the very two people standing in front of him. He feels a stab of jealousy. It doesn’t suit him.

Ryder sighs. “Okay, well. Best get everything ready then. Go ahead Jaal, I’ll just round things up here and head back.”

Jaal nodded, and with one quick look at Evfra, left.

“So, uhm. You’re welcome to join us tonight, if you want to. The ships will be down at the old docks-“

“How do you know of those?” Evfra asks in legit surprise.

“Ah,” Ryder’s face contorts in guilt. “Jaal showed us and suggested to dock there so  we won’t disturb anyone. He said it’d be alright but if it isn’t we’ll-“

Evfra raises a hand to interrupt. “It’s fine. You can use them, I’ll inform Parshaan and the Moshae. Though I will need to have a word with Jaal on how much liberties he’s taking.” 

Ryder laughs. “I’ll warn him. Thank you Evfra, again.”

Evfra huffs, back to his colder demeanor. But it has clearly lost its effect on Ryder, and she smiles and turns to leave. Before she truly exits she pauses, and turns back. She quickly steps up to him and stands on her toes, and just as quickly places her lips on his cheek.

When she steps back she briefly places her fingers against her lips, and smiles. “Like I said, you’re welcome to join us. Say around 8 maybe?”

She leaves without waiting for an answer, and he’s once more left with the sight of her lingering smile burned in his eyes and the searing memory of her lips on his cheek. Of all the people to leave him incapable like this.

 

 _Sara_. 

 

Damnit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story DOES continue! Who would have thought? I may have originally intended it to be a oneshot, but it grew into more, and the plot thickens A LOT. It's going to be full of pining, in a medium-slow burn. I expect there to be about 5-6 chapters. Chapter 3 and part of chapter 4 is already being worked on. That said it may take a long time, with work and personal life. Feel free to remind me to get my ass going. 
> 
> And what better time than on N7 Day!

**Author's Note:**

> in secret he started drawing way back when he was just a like bored student. He also got a drawing of a stick man with a scar a few days later.
> 
> In all seriousness I adore Evfra. I wish we would have gotten more insight of him. While writing him so open felt weird at first, it stands to reason that he's just as capable of them as other Angara. He just hides it really well.
> 
> I will probably dabble some more with Evfra. He's very interesting to write, and lord knows we need more of him. 
> 
> Kudos are appreciated, comments loved, and please point out any grammar/spelling errors I may have missed! Have a nice day!


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